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Radiation Fog-

Radiation works by using high-energy beams to kill cancer cells and destroy their ability to reproduce. The blessing of radiation is that healthy tissues are generally spared long-term effects of radiation because after treatment is over, they can repair the DNA changes, unlike the cancer cells. 

I'm under going external beam. It uses high-energy beams to damage and destroy breast cancer cells. My course of radiation so far has been 15 sessions, which means getting zapped at the cancer center in Turlock- Monday - Friday.  Very thankful for family and Sandi who have driven me to these appointments...

I call it Driving miss Daisy-   I may need to come up with a different name.

The thing about Radiation is that it is everyday, everyday, everyday. (cancer cells will continue to die for weeks and months after treatment ends.)

 Days before I got in this bad boy....I was fitted with a mold of my upper chest/back and my head.  (the head mask...reminds me of something like a iron mask but made of rubber that you can breath through.)

The first few appointments...before they even started radiation were long!  Laying in embarrassing positions...being poked and of course your picture taken...oh joy!

 Most all my treatments on this table with my arms above my hand holding on to...those white bars at the head of the table. The room is ice cold....to keep the machinery happy.  They always offered me a warm blanket....thank you....best thing ever!

At every treatment since it is pretty much the same....lay on the table while they poke and move you into the right position....and no, I can't help them....these are generally the words I hear at each treatment.

• lay like a bag of potatoes
• don't move, we will move you
• breath normally, but not too deeply..(right)
• then they like to praise themselves a lot- saying- beautiful, awesome, couldn't get better, on my mark, perfect (smile)

When I first when in to prepare for radiation....they told me I would be getting tattoos.  Yes, tattoos.  The technicians use it as a "road map" to show the technicians where the radiation needs to be delivered. 

And the thought of getting a tattoo was weighing heavy on my mind...crazy I know...The fact that I had always been a good little Mormon girl and would never ever think about the ideas of a tattoo, and now thanks to this I need a tattoo!

The blessing in this-  The Doctor used the semi-permanent on me. (smile) so no permanent tattoo for his gal. (smile)

 It can take 15- 20 minutes to get me in just the right position....but once that happens....the treatments are really only 2-3 minutes long.

With very little noise....just me and the machine...everyone else behind glass walls.

Side effects-  I think I have been somewhat blessed in this department.  Fatigue has taken up residence in my body....trying to fight through that.  They say the more you move the better it will be in the long run...but man what a fight!  I have only been sick to my stomach one day...which was yesterday....and yikes....crazy! (and that was because of a medication they thought would help me...not taking that anymore!)

My skin has not burned like most...blessing.  

Despite the fact that I'm so tried I can't think straight....hence fog! I'm just so happy that I wasn't hit hard with nausea from the radiation! Happy Day!

 I still have one week left of radiation.

 

The last 10 days have been a mighty journey!  Full of everything bad....but oh so much good too.

I know Heavenly Father hears my prayers and His timing is perfect.  Last week when things were piling high....at just the right moment....love entered by life from dear family and friends.

Love you!

 

Cancer- Empathy

"Empathy During Agony is a Portion of Divinity"

This is one of my all time favorite quotes from one of our church leaders. (By the way, this is Dan, Teresa's husband) Teresa gave me permission to post a couple of thoughts I have so I hope you don't mind  terribly.

As I said, I love this quote. It always makes me think of the example of Jesus Christ when he was suffering on the cross. We cannot even imagine the suffering he experienced. Not only the physical torture of the Crucifixion, but he had, just prior to this time, experienced unspeakable pain in the garden when he took upon himself all the pain of our sins. It was at this point while on the cross that He showed us how it is possible to think of others even while going through agony. Instead of dwelling on His Pain and His suffering, He focused on His mother who wept below. Making certain his mother would have someone to watch over her, He was finally able to concern himself with the fact that he was experiencing thirst.

I share this because this quote also reminds me of Teresa. Two days before she was diagnosed with cancer,  Teresa and her sweet friend Sandi Pittson, assembled some care packages designed to cheer up the sick and discouraged. Then they set out and delivered them to several ladies. All the while, she was in dire pain in her back that we would later discover was a tumor.

A couple of nights ago, after receiving more bad news about her having to receive additional radiation in her head, we knelt together in prayer. Teresa said the prayer and I kid you not, the majority of her prayer was asking Heavenly Father to bless a sister in our ward that was having surgery or others that might be having difficulties. I knelt next to her in amazement. I silently mouthed the quote "Empathy During Agony is a Portion of Divinty"

 

The Shutters- Poppy hill update.

Just a little house update...For the last month or so we have been waiting for the shutters etc to finally be installed.  Well, this week was the week.  All the exterior items are now on the house!  Happy Day!

This pictures is of the back of the house...before the shutters were installed.

There is the after

• Shutters painted; pool-house by Sherwin Williams paints
• plant- Lavender Trumpet Vine- blooms spring and late summer- purple

 I had to cross over to the hill behind us to get this picture...tried to zoom in with my phone....so, not a great picture...but you get the ideas. (smile)

 You can't tell in the picture...but over by the garage door is a shutter on half of the side...planned it that way (smile) to match the half shutter on the window on the left.

 

 We have just one set of shutters on the front of the house. Just a little pop of color!

Sweet happy Day....all the exterior items are installed!

 Kitchen/dinning room: still looking for just the right counter stool.  

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The Tests- My Cancer Journey

 Thursday Oct. 6th was the morning of my mammogram and handheld-ultrasound  appointments, I drove myself to the radiology center in Modesto.  Didn't even think about inviting someone to come with me, I was a little concerned but not worried.

First up with the mammogram, pretty much what you would expect. My technician was an older women so she was fairly gentle. ( we have all heard of those stories of breasts being smooshed into a pancake.=) 

 Next up: handheld ultrasound....not checking to see if it was a boy or a girl this time. (smile) It is used to determine if the abnormality is solid or fluid- filled (such as a benign cyst).

The technician (again same older women) squirted warm gel on my left breast. Then she gently guided the a wand over my breast tissue to produce images on a nearby screen.  Last time I  had an ultrasound was to find out if Mason was going to be a boy or girl...Happy times!

Then the technician became very quiet...not a good sign....She then said...just a minute I want to check with the doctor to see if He would like more pictures...okay....butterflies in tummy. (word to Technicians in the future...please don't do that)

Do I have something to worry about?  A few minutes later she returned and proceeded to squirt more gel on my left breast.   She then had me get dressed....thank you....How I hate hospital gowns.

The MRI: After I dressed they had me go down to the first floor for a Breast MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) It is useful in gathering more information about an area in the breast that is suspicious, check the rest of the breast for other possible cancers, as well as evaluates the other breast. It involved no radiation. 

From there I dressed and headed home, they told me that my Doctor would contact me...okay great.

The Breast Cancer Diagnosis- Though it may be hard, do NOT tell someone that you have breast cancer over the phone!  I happen to be at the Nut Company the following day....when I received a phone call from Stanford.  The receptionist from my Doctors office called.

Her words- We got your test back, did they talked to you at the radiology office?  Well, you have cancer. We need you to come in for a for a biopsy. 

Just like that...you have cancer.  Great....pretty much ruined my day.  I was pretty much numb the rest of the day.

The next day we went to Stanford...where the first thing my Doctor did was to apologize and I could tell he was so sad that I received that information that way. 

He then explain that they would not know for sure until after they do some more imaging and a biopsy. Okay, so holding out for a chance that they could be wrong and it is scar tissues or something. Hope.

He arranged for us to meet with the top Breast surgeon at Stanford. (in his opinion) We got into see her that day.

The Biopsy-

If you have a fear of needles, look AWAY....I swear the needle was two feet long.  The procedure took about 30 minutes.  Just a small cut, a little blood and a couple of pinches...popping sounds with a little pressure.  The needle was placed in the small cut, the doctor using an ultrasound  with a wand guided to the tissues she needs for the test. 

All done...now for another wait...and of course it was Friday! So Monday was the big day....Cancer or not cancer.

Well, you know the answer -cancer

Monday Oct 10- will go down in history as the worst day of my life...next to the death of my parents and Getting the new that Dan had cancer...(he has been cancer free for 5 years, Happy Day!)

Over that weekend I developed a worsting pain in my back.  Which lead to them admitting me to the hospital.... and from there it was a blur of MRI, bone scan, blood test, and  more and more and more.

So, here we are on this journey.  

I plan to share my journey from time to time ....to help friends and family keep updated....I like the idea of  telling my story once and move on.

I don't plan on sharing every thing about every part of this cancer that has {Left the girls and entered my body=)  Just parts that I think may be helpful, interesting etc.

 

Things have been moving very quickly...many thanks to the doctors at Stanford....what a team I have- (I think around 12)

Dan and I are doing as well as can be expected.

I'm not in much pain right now..(thank you morphine) but I do feel tired & cloudy brain!

Our Faith (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints)  has given us great comfort.  We both feel calm and at peace...Our job right now is just to fight this with all the Faith we can mustard up! (mustard seed, faith...smile)

 

 I plan to share from time to time and add in a few tips & how I'm seeing the Lord guiding us through this...

TIPS and Lifeline-

1. take a friend or family member with you to your appointments when you can....because believe me mental fog & fatigue that result in problems with memory and concentration.... believe me it is real! 
2. You decide if, how and when you would like to tell people about your ongoing situation...this is something I can have control of.
3. Take a journal with you to every test & doctor appointment - that is where family and friends come in handy!
4.  LulaRoe clothing helped me so much!!! soft, no buttons, no zippers...can even sleep in them if needed. 

The LORDS Hand-

One of the first things Dan and I did after getting the news, was to pray to Heavenly Father for help.  One sentence that will always stand out in my mind from Dan's prayer.

"Heavenly Father, please take charge, let us do what thou would have us do, guide us to do what thou wants us to do, not the Doctors or our own personal thoughts, thou art in charge."   

 

Here are a few less personal ways He has already shown His Hand.

First off...He was in charge before we even knew it.  This year alone I had appointments with my personal OB and family doctors...nothing showed up. (CRAZY)  But I had an impression to give Stanford a call to see if they could help with the pain I was having.  Glad I did...they have helped move things so quickly!

Second-  The top Breast surgeon, top oncologist, and Radiation team ...all mentioned that how they were impressed to take the case (both have waiting lists) and the Breast surgeon and oncologist were planning to be gone....but stayed around to talk to me....and have cancelled their travel plans.    LORDS HAND

 

This is my journey...come what may, Happy Day.

Oh, and just because I needed to do/have something fun to do.

I will soon be known as the Banner Bandit! (if they catch me =) (with the help of my dear friend Sandi!) I plan to tape or pin a cute banner to every room that I sit in for more than 5 minutes. (those medical rooms are so sad!)

 Sorry this post was so long...the next one will not be...I hope.

Oh and by the way...had my first radiation therapy today....and Happy Day....so far no throwing up! ( this will go on for two weeks, wish me luck!)

Happy Day- Prayers welcome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In between General Conference-

Sandi and I came up with the idea of getting the sisters together for a quick "In Between Conference" gathering.

Midweek/on a Saturday Activity: An Opportunity for Friendship and Growth

 

The purpose of this activity is to Brighten and  lift your day!

Stay 5 or 40 minutes.... to share their thoughts on the message they heard in the morning session....laugh and have some fun treats....and to top it off, go home with a special little treat in this bag.

 What we put inside the bag-

• Cupcake- pumpkin- Sandis special recipe!
•  tiny little candle
• apple spice drink and apple sucker
• Fall cookie cutter 

 

Here is a little look at the activity- We held it on Saturday "In between Conference"  from 11:30- 12:30

First off Sandi had her home so pretty for our little activity.

 

 

It was a pretty day as far as weather goes....not too hot and not too cold.

Thank you Sandi for letting us use your home, and thanks to all the sisters who come to make the "quick" In between conference activity fun!

I didn't get a chance to take pictures of everyone that came (sad face) it was a fast pace activity with women coming and going...and I so wish I would of taken a couple pictures of the sweet women who loaded their kids up in their cars and zipped on by....

We wanted it to be a fun quick activity...just to brighten and uplift your day!

(Women were coming and going all through the activity so I wasn't able to get everyone's picture...but here is a group of sweet ladies)

 

A few sisters that zipped  in and out...we also had little treats to give their children in the car.

Thank you Sandi for letting us use your wonderful home!

If you would like to watch something to brighten and lift your day,  here is the link.

Happy Day!

 

 

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