There isn't a single day that I don't question my abilities as a parent....even now as they are all grown.
Danny is always my cheerleader...helping me to come around and understand ....we did okay.
1. Did we not look for opportunities to allow our children to do things for themselves, even if it meant more work for us?
(My thoughts}
Oh this is so hard- knowing you may end up with more work than what you started with-
One example-
One particular year Danny thought it a good idea to let the Kids paint our home...yep....paint our home. It would of been so much easier to do it ourselves....but with us by their side...paint brush in hand....the whole family painted the house...
and I was surprised to see ....they did awesome.
2. Didn't we teach them to work and share?
- cooking
- cleaning
- laundry
- yard work
- and of course the dreaded job of cleaning and tightening the bolts on the bins at the Nut Company ....a little lesson in patience and seeing a job to the finish no matter how unpleasant or gross. Kind of like the lesson learned in Karate Kid.
- Sharing- I talk about it here. Tiny Green Hands-
3. That choices have consequences?
We wanted our Children to understand that they could not simply do whatever they want and then have things work out exactly how they want.
We have had our share of "learning experiences" over the years...without naming names.... =)
Here are a couple of examples-
While remodeling our home in Gustine....we asked our children not to throw the dirt piles around or over the fence...they all agreed that would be bad. Fast forward a couple days and we receive a knock on the door...It was our neighbor.
The conversation went as follows-
Neighbor- "Dan can I get you to come over to my house so I can show you something?"
Dan- Sure
There they Stood looking at our neighbors backyard pool filled with little balls of dirt....oh no, Danny thought... what happened?
Just then a ball of dirt came flying over the fence from our yard....Yep, one of our children was throwing dirt over the fence....landing directly in his pool.
The consequence- for the next month the "Dirt thrower" cleaned and swept the neighbors driveway off. Lesson learned and friendship made.
Another consequence- after a child decided to create his own speed limits-
He had to clean up a section of dirty highway and no car to drive for the first year of college.
Oh, believe me...I could go on and on... about lessons learned.
Love this quote from Dallin H. Oaks.
“Just as God has bestowed some gifts on all of His mortal children without requiring their personal obedience to His laws, parents provide many benefits like housing and food even if their children are not in total harmony with all parental requirements. But, following the example of an all-wise and loving Heavenly Father who has given laws and commandments for the benefit of His children, wise parents condition some parental gifts on obedience.”
Sometimes to me being a parent feels like a steady climb....just need to remember to hold on tight.
(Danny and the boys}
4. Didn't we Stand up, stand alone ...a little courageous?
We limited how much we interfere in our children’s lives, we tried to be careful that we did not become too permissive.
Our Children at times have pointed out what “other parents” allow their children to do... including whom to date, when to date, how late to stay out, whether or not sleepovers should be allowed (we limited sleepovers...just with cousins} and what movies are appropriate.
Love this quote too-
Elder Larry R. Lawrence of the Seventy recently spoke about the need for courageous parenting. He warned parents about some of the moral lapses that can take place when children spend the night at friends’ homes. Many parents today would love to put an end to sleepovers but are not willing to battle their children over the issue. Elder Lawrence explained in his talk that parents need to be more concerned with following the Lord than pacifying their children: “What the world really needs is courageous parenting from mothers and fathers who are not afraid to stand up."
Example-
When one of our sons was working on getting his "Eagle" scout award....the last thing remaining was to put together a binder about his project. I gave him some tips...but pretty much left it up to him to complete.
I looked over his binder before turning it in and mentioned that perhaps he work on doing a little better presentation.
He choose not too....we sent the binder in....fast forward a few weeks....it came back with the note to make it look better.
So, he re-did it and everything turned out fine...he received his award.
While telling this story to another Mother....her remarks to me were....
Quote..."What you let him do it ?.... you know most Mothers do that binder for their boys....I did for mine."
At the time I was feeling a little like a "bad" Mother....but all I need do now is look at my son and know I made the right choice.
5. Allowing our children to have heartaches and setbacks.
Can I just say that this is the number one hardest thing to do!
We know that our children will face disappointments and unpleasant experiences at some point in their lives.
We tried to help our children learn how to handle less-than-ideal situations when they were young...
We tried to help them see that they could develop creative solutions for their problems instead of ignoring or avoiding them.
For example-
The time that our basement flooded and three feet of water stood there for a few months...when it finally subsided.
Danny had the kids put on biking helmets and we all took turns jumping through the water soaked walls....it turned out to be a fun family activity....yes, we could of lamented over and over...but for what good? We just got busy and cleaned it up.
We have had our share of heartbreaking experiences from health to accidents...sometimes we have had to let our children fail so they could learn to do better.... (so hard}
This quote from President Monson helps-
“Life was never intended to consist of a glut of luxury, be an easy course, or filled only with success. There are those games which we lose, those races in which we finish last, and those promotions which never come. Such experiences provide an opportunity for us to show our determination and to rise above disappointment.”
Oh, how I Love President Monson-
6. Let them be bored-
I talk about that here.
7. Teach them about Heavenly Father & Sacrifice
I talk a little about that here. Pretty Pink Glasses
There is so much to learn as a parent/grandparent and I will forever be learning.
I do feel blessed with the best chidlren and grandchildren in the world...(sorry...just saying}
so...I'm guessing I had a tiny part in some of that.
Happy Day!
I love these people...so looking forward to our 2014 family reunion it is going to be epic!
