whatever

Because of your prayers . . .

This message was written by Teresa's husband, Dan, and read at her funeral on October 2, 2017.

* * * * * * * * * *

On behalf of the Andersen Family, I would like to thank everyone for being here to honor the life of my sweet wife Teresa.  Teresa loved everyone. It was her goal in life to bring joy and happiness into as many lives as possible.  Because of her giving nature, many loved her. Many prayed for her. In fact, I am aware of people on 3 continents that have prayed for her during her trial.

The prayers offered are what I would like to address. Lest any of you feel your prayers for Teresa were unanswered, please understand this.

Heavenly Father did in fact answer every uttered prayer. Perhaps it was answered in a way that was different from what you expected, but they were answered. Let me explain.

Because of your prayers, Teresa received the strength necessary to fight the good fight.

Because of your prayers, Teresa was able to endure terrible pain with grace and dignity.

Because of your prayers, Teresa was blessed with teams of physicians that loved her and gave their all for her.

Because of your prayers, when circumstances became unbearable, Heavenly Father would send in dear friends, family and even heavenly messengers to buoy her up.

Because of your prayers, Teresa was able to influence the lives of many people around the world, through her blog, by sharing her experience and her testimony.

Because of your prayers, Teresa and I were granted extra time to hold hands, to share thoughts, and to squeeze 20 years of love and life into one.

It is entirely appropriate to be sad today. We have lost a beautiful light in our lives.

But we only need to be sad for ourselves, for we have experienced a huge loss in our lives. But please don't be sad for Teresa. She is fine. She no longer suffers. She can now run and laugh and create and even twirl.  Oh how Teresa loved to "twirl".

With love and gratitude,

The Andersen Family

Teresa's passing

On the morning of Thursday, September 28th, Teresa passed away after a year long, hard battle with cancer. She was peaceful and comfortable and in the presence of her husband and daughter. The previous night she was surrounded by all 5 of her children as we shared our love with our dear precious mother. It has been an incredibly hard week as we have said our goodbyes but the time together has been something near to heaven.

We know that Teresa is now in a wonderful place, free from pain & suffering. We can only imagine the homecoming she has received, joining her parents, brother, and in-laws. We are comforted to know that she is happy and free to run and twirl, and get to work. I wonder what projects she already has planned.

Our family is incredibly moved and touched by the outpouring of love, concern, and prayers that have come from all of you. From friends and strangers. Thank you. It has meant so much to us.

Simply put, Teresa is light. The way she serves, love, supports, and celebrates leaves everyone she comes in contact with feeling special and uplifted. We will miss her radiance on earth but know that she will be with us, shining and illuminating our days. We look forward with eager anticipation until the day when we can have her warm embrace again. She will be dearly, dearly missed.

Love, Dan and her children (Shannon, Sam, Kent, Denver, and Mason)

Teresa Andersen, beloved wife, mother, and grandmother, returned to her heavenly home on September 28, 2017, surrounded by her loved ones in her home in Patterson, CA, after a year-long battle with cancer.

She is survived by her husband Dan Sevey Andersen, her children Shannon (Scott) Brown, Dan S. (Heidi) Andersen, Kent (Becca) Andersen, Denver (Bree) Andersen, Mason (Jessica) Andersen, her thirteen grandchildren, and her siblings L.B. Anderson, Kristeen Gough, Maurice Anderson, Martel Anderson, Pam Crockett, and John Anderson. She returns to her father, Lewis Blain Anderson and her mother Neva Jean Edeburn, and her brother Don Anderson.

To Teresa, family was everything. She treasured her loving marriage of 39 years, and made certain she and Dan went on on frequent dates and little adventures together. Motherhood was her greatest joy, and she valued her role as stay at home mother and grandmother. She loved to tell stories about the antics, sweetness, and sometimes mishaps of raising her five children. She was known by those littlest ones who loved her the most as “Grammer,” and it was role that she filled to perfection. From snuggling newborn babies and singing her favorite lullaby, to reading books with toddlers, taking grandkids on outings to the beach or museums or even just walking to the park, she filled their lives with play and exploration. Every moment she spent with them was filled to the fullest, she used every second she had to teach and to love and to teach them to love.

She was also our greatest example of living a life of love. Teresa made a point to only add light and happiness to the world. In every conversation, action, and blog post, her goal was to create beauty. She filled her life and others’ lives with a sense of joy, connection, and a feeling of home. She hosted elaborate events, cozy dinner parties, and “just because” picnics and outings for those she loved, all because she wanted to give her friends a chance to feel loved and special. She believed in the good all around her, and simply wanted all of us to see it too. Her motto was, “You can always find some happy in a day.”

Teresa never saw herself. She only saw with a Christlike desire to lift and serve those around her. The love of the Savior shone through her. One of her favorite things in life was sharing her blessings and her testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She believed that little things matter, and she added something special to everything she did. She felt like sunshine. And because of her, the world was lifted and brightened and made more beautiful.

Funeral services will be held Monday, October 2nd in Crows Landing, California.  Contact her daughter Shannon ([email protected]) if you would like more info.

outdoor fireplace

Several people have requested updates on our house.  Here is our latest project.  An outdoor fireplace

Danny has been working on it all summer.  We used a "kit" from Eldorado Stone.  After assembling the blocks he covered the face with the same stone & grout that is on the front of our house.  It's a good thing we did this project now because we discovered that the stone has been discontinued!  As you can see in the picture he just has a small portion on the front left to grout.  The back also needs to be finished.

It is situated on the corner of our lot, overlooking the hillside.  This is his work station.  He lays a few stones and then jumps in the pool to cool off.

We plan to lay a brick patio where there is now dirt and add some outdoor furniture. 

It will be a cozy spot to gather.

Here is the view looking back at our house from this spot.

The wisteria on the house is growing in well.  And the pool is done.  Happy day!  The grandkids have been enjoying it.

update

Hello friends. I know that many people have asked for  an update on me. I have not been able to blog because it takes so much effort and energy, it is hard for me to see the computer screen clearly and to type and to pull together my thoughts (chemo brain is a real thing).  Shannon is visiting this week so she is helping me write this post.

Right now, I have good days and bad days.

A good day is when I feel not so drugged up. I can get up and move around carefully with the help of my walker. Someone always follows close by just in case.

On bad days I want to sleep all day. And that’s about all I can do. :)

Today (Monday) was a little of both.

I have helpers that watch over me while Danny is at work. They are so sweet to me.

We still go to Stanford about twice a month to meet with my team of doctors or have procedures done. The cancer in my spinal fluid continues to be in remission. Happy Day! But we are still trying to fight the cancer in other parts of my body.

In June we had a family reunion near Zion National Park. A good friend lent us their RV to make the drive to Utah more comfortable for me. I even went on a few hikes (with my wheelchair). It was so nice to have all my children in one place. That was the best part of the reunion – having all my kids together.

Danny and I saw our favorite comedian, Brian Regan, perform in July. The laughter was much needed during a very stressful time.

Danny has been working all summer on our outdoor fireplace. The backyard is turning out to be a wonderful place. He has worked really hard on it. (more pictures in another post)

Not nearly as fun, but I’ve also been admitted to the hospital twice and visited urgent care once over the summer. We know for certain which hospitals we like and which ones to avoid.

Danny tries to get me out of the house most days so I can see the outside world – we’ll drive into town and grab milkshakes in the drive through, get my favorite egg drop soup at the chinese restaurant, visit grandkids & friends in town, or run quick errands where I’m happy to sit in the car.

I go to church when my body is up to it. It is first thing in the morning, and it takes my body a while to get going. I've been unable to attend the last few weeks and when I miss church, Sam comes over to give us the sacrament. He is a blessing to me. (As are all my children)

But for the most part I spend my 99% of my time at home, resting. Today my nurse visited and she said that naps are a good thing. So I guess I will listen to her. :)

The nut season is starting soon. Danny has a desk set up in our bedroom so he can work from home whenever possible.

Next week my cute niece will come live with us through the nut season to help me out and give Danny more peace of mind. We look forward to having her in our home.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me.  I couldn't do it without you.  I may not reply to every text, comment, message . . . but I know you are there and I am thankful for you.  It makes me cry just to think of everyone who takes time out of their life for me.  

helped, blessed and cared for-

 

 

 

 

I feel blessed, helped and care for.

A couple of weeks ago we had a little pineapple event.  My best friend Sandi helped me put it together.   It was a event to thanks all those sweet women that have been helping me though my cancer journey.....It turned out wonderful.  There were many more whom have helped me...that I wanted to invite but they live too far away or couldn't make it that night.

 My number one helper was Sandi-she has done so much to help me out in every way possible. 

 There is s0 much I want to share with you, about our travels etc...but my head and computer are giving me fits.  So I will just focus on my cancer journey for now. (we did enjoy a trip to Mexico, Northern CA coast and a few other little getaways....and we have a family reunion with my kids at the end of the week. 

 

 I don't even know where to start. So much has happened this month.

Ommaya reservoir is something I didn't want but in my head.  I had heard horrible stories about them getting infections and I felt like my  body just couldn't take anymore! 

The next little bit was written my Danny

 Written by Danny-  June 2

Unfortunately she has to spend it at Stanford with doctors. On the way over Teresa said she was praying to Heavenly Father for a birthday miracle.  Fast forward several hour. we just met with her neuro oncologist.  He gave us mom's miracle.  He told us that the disease in her brain and cerebral spinal fluid is now in remission.   We will gladly take any and all miracles He is willing to send our way.  Happy Birthday, Teresa congrats!

 

also, she came out of the car today to find it full of balloons! ! Sam, Heidi, and kids had into the garage last night and decorated for mom's birthday.  Such a sweet surprise as we left to go to Stanford.

There are so many turns and up and downs....to this crazy disease.

Danny has done so much to help me with this party!  Did all the landscaping and built the tables for the event.

 

 In the mist of trail you can always find a little happy.  Love these ladies and all they do for me, God has blessed me in so many ways I feel so looked after and blessed. Thanks sweet friends.....what would I do with out you!

Happy day 

Love ya !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not comparing trials or judging others-

(my new wig)

Last weekend Dan, Steve, Sandi and I took a much looked forward- to trip down the Californian Northern coast- Hwy 1.  We had planned on doing it last year; but then I got sick.  

I was feeling really good and was walking so much better, so it was a perfect time to get away.

Just a couple days before we left, I met with Dr. Sledge and things looked good.  He wanted me to get a CT scan before we left because it had been awhile since my last one and he wanted to see how things were coming along.

So he scheduled me for a  full body Scan.   Let me tell you a little something about CT Scans....just in case you ever need one.

The first thing they do is to enter an IV line-  then you go to the room where the Ct scan will be administered.....and this is where my help will come in handy for you.  The technician lays you on the bed..( it looks much like a MRI unit) and says....I'm going to inject the fluid now, you will feel very warm....but everything will be fine.   I'm like, Okay, I like warm.

  Then they moved me in the CT Scan..  It does get warm....but it also makes you feel like you are wetting your pants!!! big time....the first time I had this done I actually called out to him saying I was wetting the bed.  His response...no you are not!    And sure enough I didn't.  

I've had this done several times-  the  second time the guy said the same thing...that I would feel warm.  I've  reminded the technicians...to be more specific for first timers...tell them you will feel like you wet your self, and not to worry you won't.     This last time the technician knew me and said thanks for the help....now I don't have people wanting to get out in the middle of the scan.  

Your Welcome.

Now back to our trip. 

 Our first night was in Redding....from there we made out way over to Hwy 1.   Such a beautiful drive, we stopped as we wanted.

The drive was so beautiful and oh so green!  On St Patrick's day we ended up at Fern canyon, not to far from Crescent City.

 Half way through our trip, I received a call from Dr. Sledge, which is never a good sign.  He usually has his team call me with reports.  He calls when its not very good news...,so yikes.   He wanted to report on my CT scan I just had.  A few new tumors showed up in my liver...my liver had been clear before.   He wanted me to come in on Tuesday for a new form of Chemo call Taxol.    We took the news pretty good.  I don't think I felt too bad....just a little disappointed....Because just two weeks early we had great news about several tumors that a reduced in size by quit a bit.  

I am learning that there are many ups and downs every month.

We carried on with our trip and had a wonderful time.   The little house that we stayed at had a beautiful view and a awesome hot tub.   Check my IG account for more pictures of our trip...link to the right.

 I have found that through this whole cancer journey it is very important to let the light in.  That sounds simple enough and it is.  Unfortunately, the adversary is working overtime to confuse, make us sad, tempt, and encourages us to compare our trials to others....even helping us to judge others...by doing this he leads us away from the light into darkness.

I find when I think I have it pretty bad and why does so and so have it so much better....the light leaves....and I don't feel very good.

I try not to let that happen.  

Through this trial I have moments when I have been judged....people shaking their finger for parking in the handicap space, people saying that I shouldn't wear a wig, (really)?  people thinking I don't have it that bad....how can she, shes look perfectly fine....and so on.

When that happens...sometimes....I just want to give them this list.

In the last two weeks-

1. Ct scan
2. 3 tumors found in liver
3. Started taxol chemo which took 6 hours
4. Chemo spinal tap  3 hours (depocyte)
5.   pain in my legs
6. throwing up.
7. 4 or 5 IV
8. 4 blood tests
9. 4 dr. visits

But I don't, I just smile....and try not to judge them.

I think people say that, because I really do try to look my best when I'm out in public.   Plus I want to look like a woman.... wigs, eyebrows, and makeup.  

I've learned to be more kind also.... I know we should not judge by appearances. 

I'm stepping out on a big ledge to show you this picture.  It makes me cry, not so much because of the way I look, but what this means.

That I'm now a patient for Danny to take care of.   That I have to learn to walk all over again.  That I have chemo, scans, tests and dr. appointments, and not able to eat what I like and I don't really feel like myself. 

But it also means that I'm doing better at not judging or comparing my trials to others.   I've learned the power of little things.  

You really learn something about yourself when you spend hours each week going through these things.   I've tried to find ways to help in little ways....and I think I'm doing okay.  What do we learn about our-self from the movies we watch and videos we watch or how do we feel when we read to a 3 or 4 year old , smile or say something nice....because that's about all I can do?

Many of us have legitimate reasons to feel like victims because maybe we are.  I love this quote from  Jewish psychiatrist Viktor Frankl who endured years of unspeakable horror in Nazi death camps  He said:

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms- to choose one's attitude in any given circumstances, to choose one's own way."

 Every woman can bless the lives of others in countless ways when she puts into practice the principles of love, caring and kindness. Little things matter.  This sweet lady played her harp for me while going through my 6 hour taxol treatment.

I am so thankful for all the kindness and little tender mercies. 

I have learned to have realistic exceptions for myself, I know I will have good days and some darker days.  But I promise myself to look more to light.  When I do, I feel so much better.

Heavenly Father loves His children.  I know he wants us to be happy, and if we make our best efforts to qualify for his spirit, I know that Christ will acknowledge the goodness in our hearts and give his light to us.

Thank you sweet friends for all you help.

Happy Day. 

 

 

 

 

Balance & Perspective

The last time I posted we had just received a boat load of bad news...that being said, this is a whole new month. And from that date I have learned so much about balance and perspective.  Cancer treatment is a long, circular, meandering, pot-holed process.   

I have learned that you can get bad news for months, but with the right perspective  hope and faith, you can find a way to have some joy.

I think I am doing pretty good walking around in my cancer body and still trying to be me as much as I can. (hey, I can do 30 minutes on an exercise bike....10 minutes at a time, smile) 

Carlee, Preston, Audrey and Cole.....Gave us a heart attack for Valentines day 

Okay for this months report.  

I just received my second spinal chemo infusion....Wait, let me back up a bit.

A few weeks ago after receiving my first spinal chemo I started to have some pretty weird pain in my neck.  So we call the surgeon who did the surgery. (we were thinking that maybe some of the hardware in my neck was coming lose.)  They decided to have me come in to have CT scan.  

 After the scan we met with the surgeon and he said everything looked in place....but then he said I have something amazing to show you....ok, we can use some amazing.  He pulled up  the scan of my neck and said take a look at this....and we are like okay... now look at this scan taken after your surgery.  My bones after surgery were very gray  almost could see through them. They had a very hard time finding healthy bone to attach the hardware to.

  The new scan taken 4 months later, most all the bone in my neck had  turned white with just very little gray  left.   He said this a awesome....the bone infusion (to increase bone Mass) I receive every month is working, we want white bone!  So we are hoping that the bones in the rest of my body are healing also.  The weird pain in my neck was discovered  to be caused by the spinal  chemo infusion....a few adjustments with  medicine and I am good to go. 

 

 We also received some more good news.  Every time  I have a spinal infusion they take out several vials for testing.  The last test taken shows that my cancer proteins are declining...which is a very good sign...they had declined by 10%.  We like that!  We like things to go down!    Also one of my largest tumors is down to half its size!  

This month has taught me balance and perspective. One month can be great another not so much.  I understand that no regimen can be prescribed with assurances that everything will be better.  However. I still continue to look for the Happy Day, everyday. 

Looking for happy day every day does not negate circumstances that turn out bad or the feelings of sadness or anger that can follow...what they do provide is balance and perspective.  You can always find some happy in a day.

 Dinner with friends, playing with grandchildren, trips to the coast, movie night, seeing a little more hair start to grow....Happy Day 

Having you granddaughter surprise you with a Love party ...Happy Day

 I am trying to learn to be patient with myself....sometimes it is hard for me to shake the idea that I can't do much to help out....that day will come.. but for now, I can now empty the dishwasher without falling over....and the laundry is under control... Happy Day.

Looking forward to my first haircut....maybe in a year (smile) Looking for talents and joy where I never knew they existed....talents is the hard thing....maybe I should take up painting.  Haha

Everyone of us has an imagination and I think most of us use it for the wrong thing.  I know I do.  I'm worst-case scenarios of what might go wrong.  goal--- To use my imagination to exercise faith and to think of what might go right!  Happy Day goal

Having children, grandchildren and friends around that are positive and happy really help in this fight.  Laughter as medicine.

 

I love this family of mine.  I don't know how anyone gets through cancer without a support group like this.  Sam, Denver and Mason keep things at work going ...because just about every Tuesday or Friday I'm getting poked, tested and scanned.  

That support is a life line.

 Sometimes I've  NEEDED a good unfiltered tear filled rant. Not your everyday moan and groan session .....but about unfix-able problems at least in the short term . Danny knows just how to hold me to get me through that crazy time....I call it chemo and drugs are messing with me.   I love Dan and his support.  Our boys do so much to help us through this...I can't imagine what we would do if we didn't have them....especially at work!  

Our daughter and daughter in laws are sweet angels, ....I just feel so blessed.   Happy Day!

 Keeping busy and finding creative things to do has been a great help for me through this battle.

My friend Sandi has been a life saver for me....she keeps me thinking of fun things to do, just like we did before I got sick...I thank Heavenly Father for her every day.  I used to host a spring event every couple of years....and she was always a big support.

Well...we have something fun that we are planning and it involves some of you dear friends....its going to be a blast! 

Plus Danny has planned some fun things for me too.

Trip to light a sky lantern

trip to mexico with  friends

My niece's wedding

coastal trip with friends 

Family reunion with all my children and grandchildren at Zions park

a short little reunion with my siblings 

See how my family and friends take care of me.....how could I not find blessings, and happy days during this journey.

 Thanks to each of you for your prayers, gifts, notes.... your are a blessing in my life.  May you be blessed

The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our live and everything to do with the focus of our lives. -Russell M. Nelson

Unexpected Letdown-

I just realized that it has been awhile since I have posted on this blog.  When I was finished with my second round of Chemo (pill form)  I started settling into home...thinking I would have some "Joy" time before they started me up again.

How dare I think that, breast cancer had another story for me.   Not so fast. I'm not quite finished with you "said the nasty LADY!  I had a horrible week following going off chemo!  

I Went to  Stanford the day I finished up on my second round.  I had on schedule a boat load of blood tests....One seeing how the Chemo was working on me.  They took all the tests then sent us home, we should hear back from them by the end of the weekend.

Well, we heard back and it was not so good.  The Chemo I had been taking didn't do a thing to stop the  cancer, it was growing just a little,  my stats were up just a little.  So they were going to work on other treatment ideas and then get back to us.

I was still to stay on the Letrozole it is a Hormone blocker. (yes lucky me a woman getting cancer because of her Hormones) 

 Rebuilding.

Dan and I were grappling with the feeling of loss, isolation, and even confusion about why the chemo wasn't working like we thought it should.  I went into Stanford confident that things would be looking better. 

We had a little pity party for a couple hours....cried that out.  We had worked very hard to grow in faith and resilience through this challenge, it can be very easy to think that the Lord is not hearing your requests, confronted with yet another frightening and serious setback Lord Please don't let me down.  

Lessons I've learned from others and now I'm learning.   

Heavenly Father, I'm trying so hard to trust you. Please don't let me down."  The answer formed quickly and clearly in her mind, Daughter, I'm not trying to trust you. I do trust you.  you can do this. I will help you."-Wendy Ulrich

All of our married life we have been re-builders- Home makeovers, business re-builders, home builders, taking care of our elderly parents, helping our children through collage and missions, re building a child's life who had a stroke at birth, helping a husband through cancer, rebuilding after every loss...broken bone, sad heart and secret rebuilding  when others may  needed it. etc.

What do you do when your home is destroyed?  You start over.    You do the same with you hit a road block with cancer.  So now what?   Questioning your survival when other people have died is normal.  Let that  feeling out, but don't let it consume you. 

So here we go.  

Our neuroscience oncology Dr. for the longest time ,way back when this all started, wanted to put  (an Ommaya Reservior in my head) to administer chemo straight to my head .  WE did not want to do that...He kept pushing us, we kept saying no!  It was a battle to say to the least.  (I just didn't want a reservoir  in my head for the rest of my life! Especially because we heard injecting it in the spinal fluid was just as good....just harder for the Dr. to administer.)  I've had several spinal taps done and its no big deal.  Then they started to claim that no one at Stanford knew how to do it....REAlly!!

Danny got a little hot under the hat and things started happening. 

But we didn't give in and so finely aftert about 3 months they are doing it our way.  You really have to learn to look out for yourself. 

Friday Feb. 10th 2017 ....WE finely talked the team to into Intrathecal  Spinal infusion of chemo.   It took them 4 hours to prepare for the infusion.  Mainly because I think they  were learning on the job and I think they were hoping I would give into having a port put in my head...(no such luck).

The procedure when very well....There was one miss of the needle and made to jump big time...it felt like I put a knife in a outlet. (first time that ever happened...but it may have turned out to be the miracle we would looking for)

After we finished at Stanford we heading straight home (traffic)  Got home and went straight to bed.  

After waking up....got out of bed and noticed right away that I was walking so much better...like 100 times better.  Could it of been that electrical shock I felt in my legs during the spinal infusion? Or perhaps the new drug.? Thank  you Heavenly father for our small miracle.

I'm On day two of chemo in my spine and everything seems really good.  I do this procedure twice a month, along with a Bone strengthening infusion.  All is well.

  

I chuckled to myself when I think of the people who have said (in different iterations mostly at the hospital) to me, "Cancer is a gift. Look how strong you are becoming look what you are learning.  You could never have done this if it was not for cancer...REALLY!   IN. NO. WAY. IS. CANCER. A. GIFT!

Just ask Audrey (smile)   I know I need to help her a little in this department....so she is happy and looks for the good....But some days I feel the same. 

It is fun to have the kids so close by...they add so much joy to our life.  Valentines cookie decorating,

Can you tell who made this cookie?   I give you a hint....Denver. (smile)

 

Grandchildren add so much joy!

 Taking a break, physically or emotionally, by going for a walk, putting on some music, playing with grandchildren, being creative  small trips

Things I've learned-

1. Protect and pray for those you care about
2. writing more letters...my goal this month
3. holding family meetings 
4. sharing faith
5. Others really do love you, and want to mourn with you, comfort you, help you and share your burden 

So, here we go on another stage of this battle.  We are hopeful, happy and love each  and everyone of you.  

We are positive and work hard.   Life is good and we are more than blessed.

I believe in a Loving Heavenly Father, So I acknowledge and thank Him, His Son Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost for the precious gift of life , agency, sacrifice, and the comfort and the love that he gives me that I trust Him in all things.  come what may.  In the Name of Jesus Christ amen

 

To my Kids, Shannon, Sam, Kent, Denver, Mason and all their lovely wive's and children....and my blessed husband.  My life is perfect thanks to you...I love you.  Mom

Chemo coma

A few days after starting Ibrance (a pill form of chemo)  It knocked me down hard.  All I wanted to do is sleep. My legs and arms felt like they weighted 500 lbs each.   Thanks to chemo coma, I cried at a drop of a hat, I couldn't focus on a thing. ..couldn't read with out feeling mushy. 

I was being held hostage by chemo coma.   All I could think of was,really 21 days of this?  

It did get better, I suppose my body started to get use to it.  On the bright side I didn't get nauseous with it, and after a few days, I would have a couple pretty good days....kind of 3 off 4 good .  Okay so I can live with that.

Other side effect-

Dry skin- Everything on my body feels like sandpaper....and my hairless head was crazy itchy!

Change in taste buds- This was very interesting- Foods that I loved now taste like Iron.  I found it hard to eat more than a couple bites of any kind  of food.  So I began eating like a bird...just a few bites every-hour.  Crazy thing...I would have a craving for something....like tomatoes, pickles, popcorn and potatoes which I call my safe foods....they always taste normal.

After 14 days on Ibrance I came down with a cold...oh joy.  So I had to go in for a blood test....which came back too low.  My white blood count...so now I had to take my temperature every two hours checking for fever...fun!

Lucky I made it  through that with not one high temperature (nothing over 99, if it had I would be heading to the doctors)  

The truth of the matter is that, medicine is as much of an art as it is a science.  Each of us is different  and will react different to all kinds of things. 

Despite all this, yes, I think I maintained a Happy Day attitude.  Happiness is an attitude, a choice.  I'm trying to stay true to the decision that I made when we found out that I had Breast Cancer.  No amount of pain or misery could break my spirit that I know this is not my "life" it is something I'm passing through, and I'm trying to learn as much from the misery and pain as I can.  

The Lord has blessed me in so many ways.  With the best doctors. The best doctors are the ones who are not threatened by your questions and encourage you to ask them. They are focused on you the patient, they have no ego, all support. All collaboration.  

Wonderful family. 

A very supportive husband.   Which bless his heart tells me how beautiful I am everyday. ( I'm not so silly to think that is true...in fact right now I think I look somewhat like a robot monster. No hair, and black and purple!

 A couple days ago I took a nasty spill and hit my head about as hard as you can hit it on the hard floor.  Nothing too bad happened....just a really nasty goose-bump and now both of my eyes are black and purple down to my cheekbones) so ...happy day what else can I do to make myself look good? (smile)

During this time it hasn't been all chemo, pain, and bruises.

We had several family gatherings- Sunday soup and sandwich and a family ornament exchange. 

We attended a Church Christmas Breakfast with Santa and real Train rides in the Church parking lot.

 

 Aren't these decorations so cute!  Check out my IG account teresaandersen1 to see more about this activity.  

I attended a fun school Christmas program-

 

 We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas day that we shared with Mason and his cute little family!

 

Jessica, Ayden, Mason and Alene

We spent a few days at our cabin with Shannon and family.

 

We had a wonderful time bringing in the NEW Year with this crew!

 

 We are also in the process of building a pool-

 Today they are finishing up on the brick and tile.  We have vintage brick on the edge and a creamy tile under that to go with the color of the rock on our home.

 

 We are expecting a big storm tomorrow and rain for about a week...so I think it will be awhile before we finish up. 

Though chemo had me feeling so tired at times I couldn't think....I still think it could of been worse. On the "baddest"  of days I think I was still able to find hope, through a hug, sleeping through the night, being about to eat something, etc.

I'm on my 7 day break from chemo now...hoping to recharge my body some.  So my goal this week is doing whatever I can.  Even if that means just doing laundry , emptying the dishwasher, reading, writing this post. etc.  Also to try and get my brain to work again and hoping to walk more than 5 minutes without having to sit down.

 Next week is a big week at Stanford- bone infusion, blood test, meeting with all my doctors to see how things are moving along... we plan to be there two days just to work it all in.  (spending the night....driving bay area traffic two days in a row...not fun!)

 I believe that the trials I have been allowed to pass through (though I would never ask for them,  or wish on anyone else) but it so be that this trial is my lot...than I hope that I can learn from it and maybe gain wisdom, humility and love.  If nothing else help me to be a better person and have greater compassion.  If I can't in some small way I'm letting this cancer win in a spiritual way not just physical.

(picture before bruises)

 I'm thankful for my life, and blessed beyond measure with the people who surround me with love.

I believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ , that through Him and His sacrifice , if I live to follow Him and His commandments...all will be well. 

Happy Day

 

 

 

 

 

Ebb & Flow- ups and downs-

Graduation-   Tuesday...the last day of my radiation...well, for now.  Walking out of the radiation room I was greeted by the kind staff....clapping, balloons, bells and a sweet card.  I felt an array of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, confusion and obviously joy.   

Sadness because the staff have been so kind to me and I would miss them, anxiety because...did they get all the cancer they were shooting for and now the rest of the battle goes on....  And I'm sure you know why I felt JOY!

At the end of this treatment I found myself looking forward to serious downtime....they are giving me a week to recover before we start chemo.

 

Radiation treatments had made me really tired!   Breast cancer is exhausting.  It's a very demanding disease, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.  It has challenged me in ways that I could never imagine. 

Spiritually...throughout my life I have always felt the spirit close, a blessing I know that is given. ....But being on so many hard drugs for pain, radiation treatments etc....I have been in a fog and find it hard to feel the Lord and his guidance.  I have had to rely on my testimony and the love of my family and friends to guide me.  I know He had not left me, because I see His love all around me...through family and friends and the sweet Happy things that happen each day...so I continue  by Faith, I know He loves me and is there for me.

I know this too shall pass....when body is cleaned of drugs.

Step two-

Tuesday was an all day Stanford visit-  Lab work, bone infusion, neuroscience dr., ex-rays etc.

I was hoping to receive news that I would be able to take my lovely brace off....well,  that will have to wait for a while longer.

 

 

 Jill, me, Sandi

This week has been good....despite a few set backs...Yes, I still need to wear this lovely brace....but hey, I got some new hair (wigs) so it doesn't look as scary.

 I have learned that with this disease there are ebb & flow- up and downs.  I'm learning to appreciate the good days more and understand that there will be many bad days.

I believe I have two choices about how I was going to handle this breast cancer diagnosis: from a position of fear or from one of love.  Love has been my choice...I see it all around me...Love of my husband, children, family, friends, strangers, dr., staff...

everywhere!

 

This is going to be a good week!

and this is why!

 Sam and Heidi gave me an envelope a few days ago and said to open it when I was having a hard day.... Tuesday was that day....this made me laugh and laugh....Sweet Happy Day!   Love this KId!

 

 My home was filled with love yesterday...Jill arrived at my home with all the makings for toffee!  and then she made it for me!  Happy Day Heaven!   Sandi Helped me wrap a few Christmas gifts....blessed beyond measure!

 

 

 Ruth and Jill always decorated my from porch...Oh how I love them!  How can I not see the Lords hand in my life...even during this time!

 

 Thankful for my Christmas decorating angels...Sarah and Sandi!  So very thankful for so many angels in my life....so have sent blankets, flowers, food, notes, hugs, cleaning the list goes on and on.

I feel so very humbled by the love extended to us. I'm at lost for words.

I pray each day that the Lord will bless these dear Angels in my life. 

It is the gestures of presence that you have given me that are the Happy Day in my life.  

Thank you for being understanding---that sometimes its hard for me, for example: talking on the phone sometimes made me nauseous, dizzy and cranky....text are nice...I know its not the most personal way to communicate but when you're Puke Face....you try to do you best .

Thank heaven I'm past the "Puke Face" for now....so phone talking is fine. (smile)

To know that you sweet angels near and dear would still be here on the other side of treatment is an incredible Happy Day on the dark days.

Now, I just want to enjoy the rest of the week treatment free....Dec.13th I start chemo.

 

Little Alene is a sweet little compassionate girl... she likes to wear this scarf to be like me.

"It is part of the gift of charity to be able to recognize the Lords hand and feel His love in all that surround us.  AT times it will not be easy to discover the Lord's love for us in all that we experience, because He is perfect, anonymous giver.  You will search all your life to uncover His hand and the gifts He has bestowed upon you because of His intimate, modest, humble way of granting such wonderful gifts. - Gene R Cook 

 

Merry Christmas-   Happy Day!