The last time I posted we had just received a boat load of bad news...that being said, this is a whole new month. And from that date I have learned so much about balance and perspective. Cancer treatment is a long, circular, meandering, pot-holed process.
I have learned that you can get bad news for months, but with the right perspective hope and faith, you can find a way to have some joy.
I think I am doing pretty good walking around in my cancer body and still trying to be me as much as I can. (hey, I can do 30 minutes on an exercise bike....10 minutes at a time, smile)
Carlee, Preston, Audrey and Cole.....Gave us a heart attack for Valentines day
Okay for this months report.
I just received my second spinal chemo infusion....Wait, let me back up a bit.
A few weeks ago after receiving my first spinal chemo I started to have some pretty weird pain in my neck. So we call the surgeon who did the surgery. (we were thinking that maybe some of the hardware in my neck was coming lose.) They decided to have me come in to have CT scan.
After the scan we met with the surgeon and he said everything looked in place....but then he said I have something amazing to show you....ok, we can use some amazing. He pulled up the scan of my neck and said take a look at this....and we are like okay... now look at this scan taken after your surgery. My bones after surgery were very gray almost could see through them. They had a very hard time finding healthy bone to attach the hardware to.
The new scan taken 4 months later, most all the bone in my neck had turned white with just very little gray left. He said this a awesome....the bone infusion (to increase bone Mass) I receive every month is working, we want white bone! So we are hoping that the bones in the rest of my body are healing also. The weird pain in my neck was discovered to be caused by the spinal chemo infusion....a few adjustments with medicine and I am good to go.
We also received some more good news. Every time I have a spinal infusion they take out several vials for testing. The last test taken shows that my cancer proteins are declining...which is a very good sign...they had declined by 10%. We like that! We like things to go down! Also one of my largest tumors is down to half its size!
This month has taught me balance and perspective. One month can be great another not so much. I understand that no regimen can be prescribed with assurances that everything will be better. However. I still continue to look for the Happy Day, everyday.
Looking for happy day every day does not negate circumstances that turn out bad or the feelings of sadness or anger that can follow...what they do provide is balance and perspective. You can always find some happy in a day.
Dinner with friends, playing with grandchildren, trips to the coast, movie night, seeing a little more hair start to grow....Happy Day
I am trying to learn to be patient with myself....sometimes it is hard for me to shake the idea that I can't do much to help out....that day will come.. but for now, I can now empty the dishwasher without falling over....and the laundry is under control... Happy Day.
Looking forward to my first haircut....maybe in a year (smile) Looking for talents and joy where I never knew they existed....talents is the hard thing....maybe I should take up painting. Haha
Everyone of us has an imagination and I think most of us use it for the wrong thing. I know I do. I'm worst-case scenarios of what might go wrong. goal--- To use my imagination to exercise faith and to think of what might go right! Happy Day goal
Having children, grandchildren and friends around that are positive and happy really help in this fight. Laughter as medicine.
I love this family of mine. I don't know how anyone gets through cancer without a support group like this. Sam, Denver and Mason keep things at work going ...because just about every Tuesday or Friday I'm getting poked, tested and scanned.
That support is a life line.
Sometimes I've NEEDED a good unfiltered tear filled rant. Not your everyday moan and groan session .....but about unfix-able problems at least in the short term . Danny knows just how to hold me to get me through that crazy time....I call it chemo and drugs are messing with me. I love Dan and his support. Our boys do so much to help us through this...I can't imagine what we would do if we didn't have them....especially at work!
Our daughter and daughter in laws are sweet angels, ....I just feel so blessed. Happy Day!
Keeping busy and finding creative things to do has been a great help for me through this battle.
My friend Sandi has been a life saver for me....she keeps me thinking of fun things to do, just like we did before I got sick...I thank Heavenly Father for her every day. I used to host a spring event every couple of years....and she was always a big support.
Well...we have something fun that we are planning and it involves some of you dear friends....its going to be a blast!
Plus Danny has planned some fun things for me too.
Trip to light a sky lantern
trip to mexico with friends
My niece's wedding
coastal trip with friends
Family reunion with all my children and grandchildren at Zions park
a short little reunion with my siblings
See how my family and friends take care of me.....how could I not find blessings, and happy days during this journey.
Thanks to each of you for your prayers, gifts, notes.... your are a blessing in my life. May you be blessed
The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our live and everything to do with the focus of our lives. -Russell M. Nelson