Graduation- Tuesday...the last day of my radiation...well, for now. Walking out of the radiation room I was greeted by the kind staff....clapping, balloons, bells and a sweet card. I felt an array of emotions, including sadness, anxiety, confusion and obviously joy.
Sadness because the staff have been so kind to me and I would miss them, anxiety because...did they get all the cancer they were shooting for and now the rest of the battle goes on.... And I'm sure you know why I felt JOY!
At the end of this treatment I found myself looking forward to serious downtime....they are giving me a week to recover before we start chemo.
Radiation treatments had made me really tired! Breast cancer is exhausting. It's a very demanding disease, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. It has challenged me in ways that I could never imagine.
Spiritually...throughout my life I have always felt the spirit close, a blessing I know that is given. ....But being on so many hard drugs for pain, radiation treatments etc....I have been in a fog and find it hard to feel the Lord and his guidance. I have had to rely on my testimony and the love of my family and friends to guide me. I know He had not left me, because I see His love all around me...through family and friends and the sweet Happy things that happen each day...so I continue by Faith, I know He loves me and is there for me.
I know this too shall pass....when body is cleaned of drugs.
Tuesday was an all day Stanford visit- Lab work, bone infusion, neuroscience dr., ex-rays etc.
I was hoping to receive news that I would be able to take my lovely brace off....well, that will have to wait for a while longer.
Jill, me, Sandi
This week has been good....despite a few set backs...Yes, I still need to wear this lovely brace....but hey, I got some new hair (wigs) so it doesn't look as scary.
I have learned that with this disease there are ebb & flow- up and downs. I'm learning to appreciate the good days more and understand that there will be many bad days.
I believe I have two choices about how I was going to handle this breast cancer diagnosis: from a position of fear or from one of love. Love has been my choice...I see it all around me...Love of my husband, children, family, friends, strangers, dr., staff...
This is going to be a good week!
and this is why!
Sam and Heidi gave me an envelope a few days ago and said to open it when I was having a hard day.... Tuesday was that day....this made me laugh and laugh....Sweet Happy Day! Love this KId!
My home was filled with love yesterday...Jill arrived at my home with all the makings for toffee! and then she made it for me! Happy Day Heaven! Sandi Helped me wrap a few Christmas gifts....blessed beyond measure!
Ruth and Jill always decorated my from porch...Oh how I love them! How can I not see the Lords hand in my life...even during this time!
Thankful for my Christmas decorating angels...Sarah and Sandi! So very thankful for so many angels in my life....so have sent blankets, flowers, food, notes, hugs, cleaning the list goes on and on.
I feel so very humbled by the love extended to us. I'm at lost for words.
I pray each day that the Lord will bless these dear Angels in my life.
It is the gestures of presence that you have given me that are the Happy Day in my life.
Thank you for being understanding---that sometimes its hard for me, for example: talking on the phone sometimes made me nauseous, dizzy and cranky....text are nice...I know its not the most personal way to communicate but when you're Puke Face....you try to do you best .
Thank heaven I'm past the "Puke Face" for now....so phone talking is fine. (smile)
To know that you sweet angels near and dear would still be here on the other side of treatment is an incredible Happy Day on the dark days.
Now, I just want to enjoy the rest of the week treatment free....Dec.13th I start chemo.
Little Alene is a sweet little compassionate girl... she likes to wear this scarf to be like me.
"It is part of the gift of charity to be able to recognize the Lords hand and feel His love in all that surround us. AT times it will not be easy to discover the Lord's love for us in all that we experience, because He is perfect, anonymous giver. You will search all your life to uncover His hand and the gifts He has bestowed upon you because of His intimate, modest, humble way of granting such wonderful gifts. - Gene R Cook
Merry Christmas- Happy Day!